


Suffocated

by catfacekathryn



Series: The Pain of Unrequited Love [2]
Category: NCT (Band)
Genre: Hyuck-centric, M/M, Mentioned Baekhyun, Mentioned Qian Kun, Minor Character Death, Nct dream ensemble - Freeform, OT7Boygroup!NCTDream, Popstar!Donghyuck, Unrequited Love, hanahaki!au, mentioned Johnny - Freeform, mentioned taeil - Freeform, mentioned taemin, mentioned taeyong - Freeform, soulmate!AU, sprouting flowers
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-08-14
Updated: 2019-08-14
Packaged: 2020-08-23 18:44:22
Rating: Not Rated
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 10
Words: 12,043
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/20247541
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/catfacekathryn/pseuds/catfacekathryn
Summary: Lee Donghyuck never thought he had the time to fall in love. As part of DREAM, he was always busy, always doing something. He never thought the day would come when the tickle in his lungs would turn out ot be hanahaki. He'd never really thought Mark Lee was his soulmate, but what was the harm in hoping?There was a lot of harm in hoping, apparently.





	1. Chapter I

My name is Lee Donghyuck, though most people know me as Haechan, one of 7 members of DREAM. My bandmates are Mark Lee, Huang Renjun, Lee Jeno, Na Jaemin, Park Jisung, and Zhong Chenle. Jisung is the youngest, and Mark is the oldest, and Renjun and Chenle are from China. 

Jisung and Chenle are certain they're soulmates, and we're all inclined to believe that because neither has developed hanahaki yet. They're either soulmates, or their real soulmates are dead so it doesn't matter either way. Jeno, Jaemin, and Renjun are all dating, though they aren't all soulmates. Renjun says his soulmate is dead, and that he's known that for a while, and that's why it's safe for him to be in love with the other two boys and vice versa.

I wish Mark was my soulmate. Mark who is sweet, and funny. Mark who shows me too much affection without meaning a thing by it, Mark who doesn't love me. Mark Lee, the boy I love.


	2. Chapter II

We were set to have a comeback in two and a half weeks, so we had been learning and practicing and recording for months. Today was teaser shooting day, and the day after tomorrow we would start filming the music video. A couple of days after the comeback, we'd do a photoshoot for some magazine. That was how these things always went, in a steady pattern, round and round and round. It was a routine I never bored of, a routine I would always enjoy.

Our comeback was space themed, with our title track 'Supernova'. My hair was golden blond, frosted silver nears the ends. Chenle had gone platinum blond, and Jisung was vibrant blue with silver streaks. Jeno, Jaemin, and Renjun were all noiret, representing the darkness of space. Mark's hair was somewhat curly, somewhat frizzy, somewhat peach pink. It made him look so soft, and so cute, and my heart nearly exploded the first time I saw him. 

We started with solo shoots, both photos and short video clips. Mark was the last to go, and I was right before him, so I just stayed and watched him. He was so good at this, making everything seem effortless, making me feel utterly inferior to his perfection despite the confidence in myself that I'd had only an hour ago. I always forgot what Mark was like during our shoots until I saw him in action, moving smoothly from one pose to the next before the director even told him to. It was like he'd already lived through everything, and he was just reenacting it for our benefit. Mark never messed up, never missed a beat.

And then we moved onto unit teasers. They tended to put us with the people we worked best with; in other words, they put the soulmates together, and they put Renjun with Jeno and Jaemin because they were practically married anyways. And that usually left me with Mark, in a situation that always made me feel clumsy compared to him. The directors had long ago stopped asking me what had happened between my shoot and the unit shoots, when they realized it was because Mark had smashed my confidence with his overwhelming perfection.

The unit shoots went quickly, with a lot of playful teasing on Mark's part and soft blushing on mine. The group teasers went even faster, because it was only a few pictures and no videos. They'd just make those with cuts from the music video shooting in a couple of days. And then we went out and had dinner, making sure to cover our faces and most importantly, our hair. 

We always tried our hardest to avoid spoiling comebacks, and we'd only really ever spoiled our first one when Jaemin posted something about it on his twitter. Though not many people had his personal twitter account, so not many people had seen it. By this point in our career, over three years down the road, Jaemin's first and only spoiler on his twitter before we debuted was used as both a meme and memory by our fans, our Dreamies. That had come from their nickname for us, and while we'd thought it was lazy to use something from the fans to refer to our fans, everyone had soon embraced it.

All day long, I'd had this weird feeling. It was like a tickle in the back of my throat, like I sometimes got when I had to cough, but it was deeper than that; it didn't go away when I coughed. It felt like it was a tickle in my lungs instead of my throat, and I'd never felt anything like it before. I didn't know what I was supposed to do to get rid of it. I eventually decided to ignore it, though it came back a few times in the day; like when I watched Mark's shoot, and when we had to shoot together. And now, when we were sitting at a low table, and I was watching Renjun cook meat on the grill in front of him.

Mark had his hood tightly cinched around his face, because his hair was a dead giveaway of a comeback, and that combined with the black mask over the bottom of his face made him look ridiculous. But it was cute too, to watch his eyes crinkle up because he was laughing quietly at the others bicker and to know that if not for his eyes, no one would even know he was laughing. I smiled subconsciously watching his eyes sparkle when he looked at the meat. He really just looked like a giant puppy trapped in a human's body sometimes.

He suddenly put a hand on my knee, squeezing it lightly and leaving it there when I didn't protest. I was too flustered and shocked to protest, mostly about the fact that he'd do something like this in public. Mark usually wasn't much for touching, and he usually got really flustered and shy when he thought anyone was going to attempt to touch him or kiss him or hug him; he'd avoided all three things from me many times. 

The feeling in my lungs got a little stronger, and I coughed once. Mark looked at me, and rubbed little circles on my back when I coughed again. He gave me a concerned, questioning look, and I shook my head and waved my hands. I took a few breaths, and he kept rubbing my back, and I gently pushed his hand away.

"I'm fine, Mark. I just breathed the wrong way or something, it's nothing, don't worry," I said softly. I didn't want to worry the others over nothing, because it'd been quiet coughs and only Mark seemed to have heard. He nodded and looked away after a few seconds, and focused on eating the plate of meat and rice Renjun had just handed him. I followed suit, and ate quickly. It was delicious, and I thanked and praised Renjun for his cooking abilities as I always did. He just nodded and probably smiled, a little embarrassed at the compliments.

When we went home, I was still thinking about Mark. About why he'd put his hand on my knee, and the feeling of his hand rubbing my back, and the look on his face while I was coughing. And I coughed again, quietly, all alone in my room. Jeno was my roommate, but he was in Chenle and Renjun's room. Mark shared a room with Jaemin and Jisung, though Jaemin was probably in Renjun's room and Chenle was probably in Jisung's room. Sometimes Mark came and cuddled with me, but not tonight. 

Tonight I was alone with the strange feeling in my lungs, the little coughs coming from my mouth, and the thoughts of Mark running rampant in my mind.


	3. Chapter III

The music video filming went by quickly. It seemed like it was over before it started, though from what had been described to us for acting reference, it sounded like it was going to be really cool. 

It was something like all of us with colored hair were aliens, and the three with black hair were human, and at one point the four of us kidnapped Jeno and Jaemin and Renjun had this big crying scene and went on a mission to get the two boys back. Chenle, Jisung, and I got killed by Renjun, which was funny to think about because he was generally just so soft and harmless, and then he found Jeno and Jaemin dead, and he cried more. It ended, supposedly, with a scene of Renjun in this badass outfit, a gun pointed at Mark's head, tears in Mark's eyes and nothing but hatred in Renjun's.

Viewed through the lense of the music video, the lyrics were about how Jaemin and Jeno had been Renjun's supernova, and how they had so much life and light that it eventually overflowed and flowed into him, burning him out on the inside when he found them dead. Otherwise, it was just a song about how someone was so bright and beautiful, until they were overtaken by their own burdens and exploded, yet even in the end they were still beautiful. 

It was honestly kind of depressing, and witnessing Renjun's crying scenes almost made me cry, and then I got teased about it. But it was all fine in the end, and we went home happy and excited for the day this comeback would finally be released. It was only our second full album in three years, and we'd been looking forward to it since we first heard about it in January of this year. It would be dropping in November, one of the coldest times of the year, which kind of related to the feeling of coldness in your heart when you lost someone. 

And when we got home, we had a movie night with a bunch of outer space movies, and we all cried at some point. The two couples were cuddled up to each other in the pile of pillows and blankets, while I was in the armchair wrapped in a soft blanket I'd gotten as a gift from Chenle and Mark was on the couch, in one of the quilts usually on his bed. He'd been trying for a while to get me to go over to him, but I'd always shake my head and glue my eyes to the tv screen.

It warmed my heart to see him trying so hard, something he usually never did. At the same time, that odd feeling in my chest increased just a little, and I used the blanket already covering my mouth to muffle my quiet coughing. I was sure Mark noticed all the same, because he'd been staring at me throughout every movie we watched and I was sure he hadn't stopped yet. But if he noticed, he never said anything about, and I was left alone in my room again. 

That night I had a dream about this guy, a dream that was confusing in some way I couldn't pinpoint exactly. He was tall, and he had a mop of messy brown hair. His eyes were big, but very tired, and he didn't smile often. The one time he smiled in my dream, it was at a text from his mom, and it was small but so very bright. He moved around what looked like a college in a city I couldn't recognize, because I'd never been to this city where everything was labeled in Chinese. He took evening classes and worked late at night, sleeping through the day. He looked stressed and very tired, but he at least seemed content with his life. 

Even though I didn't know the stressed college student, I wanted to know more about him. I wanted to see what he looked like with a giant, ecstatic smile on his face. I wanted to see what he'd look like in the morning sun, with the sun highlighting the random streaks of blond I had seen in his hair. More than anything, I just wanted him to be more than tired and stressed but content; I wanted to see him well-rested and happy. More than happy, I wanted to see him just… just so overwhelmed with joy that it was showcased in every part of his face. I thought that would look beautiful.

But when I woke up, all thoughts of the boy in my dream were replaced by thoughts of Mark, and questions about why he was cuddling with me in my bed, and why his lips were on mine.


	4. Chapter IV

I yelled at Mark for kissing me while I was asleep, though I wasn't quite sure why; I know for a fact that any other morning I'd have been just fine with it. Maybe it had to do with the fading dream that left me with an impression of someone very lonely and tired. Or maybe I was just upset that he'd done it while I was asleep. Either way, I yelled at him, and we started fighting. 

I don't even remember what he said, though I thought it was something along the lines of asking very loudly why I was angry about it now when I'd woken up to him doing it a few times before and it had been just fine then so why was it any different now, and my argument was something like why were my opinions about it in the past more important than now and why did he think it was okay to take advantage of me like that while I was asleep? 

Jaemin and Jisung eventually pulled me away from him, as I was about to slap him. Jeno dragged Mark away and clamped a hand over his mouth, and once they were gone Jaemin went over and closed the door while Jisung wiped my angry tears away. They didn't ask me what had happened, instead asking how I slept and what I dreamt about. I smiled just a little bit, and told them what I could remember about the college boy who'd been in my dreams. I stared at my drool-stained pillow as I talked to them, not realizing that the longer I talked the more I remembered, and the less I cried and thought about Mark.

Chenle eventually came in with a plate of breakfast for me, though it was slightly cold because they'd all been having breakfast with Renjun's cooking music blasting in their ears, and they'd only heard our fighting in the break between songs. I thanked all three boys, and stayed in my room until we had to go practice the choreo for Supernova and Stellara, the two songs we'd be performing for our stages. Supernova ended with all of us on the floor except for Renjun, paralleling the music video, and Stellara's choreo started with us on the floor in a star-like formation. Stellara was faster paced than Supernova, with more complicated footwork. Honestly, about 65% of our time practicing was spent on Stellara at first, just because it was really difficult to get our feet in sync.

By the end of practice, I was drenched in sweat and panting, two things that never happened. I brushed it off as a side effect from dancing with my lingering anger at Mark. The others let me shower first, and I went to sleep straight after. I was completely exhausted.

Mark brought me breakfast in the morning, though he stayed at the opposite end of the bed while I ate. He took my plate away when I was done and shut the door behind him, knocking on the door when he wanted to come back in a few minutes later. I glanced at Jeno sitting at the end of his bed, leaving Jaemin and Renjun to their cuddling. He later explained that he hadn't wanted to leave me alone last night because he knew I was mad and he knew Mark would probably try to apologize if I was alone. He bit his lip but nodded nonetheless.

"Come in," I called softly. The handle turned slowly, and Mark walked in with a hand fisted in the hem of his black shirt. His pink hair was a mess from sleeping on it, and his eyes looked just a little red and puffy. He glanced around, and settled lightly on the floor by the end of my bed. He was sitting indian-style, his hand still clenched around his shirt hem, the other pressed to the floor between his legs. He glanced up at me, from under his lashes, and looked back at the floor in front of him.

"I'm really sorry, Donghyuck. It was wrong of me to just assume it was okay to kiss you. I wasn't thinking, and I really didn't think you'd be upset or hurt. You were completely right, and it was stupid and petty of me to yell at you and fight. I just wanna be okay with you again, so whatever you need me to do… I'll do it, no questions asked," he said softly. We were made up by the end of the day, after letting Jaemin give him a big, wet kiss on his cheek. I also made him promise to do my chores and give me his dessert for a week.

Everything went back to normal, and soon we only had three days until our music video dropped. Fans had been getting more and more excited with every teaser picture and video. There were so many posts across platforms about how excited fans were for the comeback, and how the wait was killing them. Everyone was freaking out about my hair in particular, saying it looked amazing. A lot of fans were curious about the teaser with Renjun crying over two indistinct bodies, and the company let him put a slight spoiler message. It was along the lines of saying he was very sad because he'd found two very important people too late. Fans flipped out at that, and there were a lot of theories about what had happened. Some had actually gotten very close, and it was interesting to see what our fans were thinking.

And then, finally, the video dropped. We all swore off social media until we could film a music video reaction. It was killing us too, waiting to see our own video. We finally reacted to it in the wait before we performed our first stages of Supernova and Stellara. Baekhyun had offered to film it for us, as he was part of our label and he had just performed the third stage of his most recent comeback. We all had a lot of trouble not reacting to Renjun's scenes, and we all agreed that we really thought Renjun was going to kill Mark at the end. We asked how he managed to act so well, and he just shrugged. We were going up in two minutes.

"Baekhyun-sunbaenim, thank you so much for filming us! We've really been wanting to watch it, but we didn't have the time," I thanked the older man quickly. He laughed and smiled.

"Ah, you don't have to be so formal with me, Haechan. Call me hyung in the future. And it was my pleasure, it's been great to see all of you grow up, you've improved so much! I watched your music video and listened to your album, and both were really great! Good luck on your stage, fighting," he cheered. I smiled and bowed, and backed away waving. As I was rushing out the door, he yelled, "And tell Renjun later that Baekhyun-hyung said he's a great actor!"

Our stage was perfect, not a step out of place. I reveled in the feeling of being on stage, in the chants of our fans. This was what I lived for; the fans, chanting our names and our lyrics, and dancing along with us, and going crazy when they saw the choreo for Stellara the first time. I relished the feeling of joy and pride, the love I felt for our fans. They were what kept me going. 

Later, as another group was performing, I went to the bathroom. I coughed into my fist a few times, something I'd been doing more often recently. I felt something moving against my tongue, and when I spit it out into my palm, I saw what it was. White, velvety, slightly damp. A flower petal, which I later learned was from a white carnation. Innocence and pure love.


	5. Chapter V

I hid it from everyone, because I knew what it meant. I had hanahaki, and I was certain it was Mark I loved. It was really true, then, that he wasn't my soulmate. But, this meant my real soulmate was out there somewhere. I wondered often whether I'd ever find them. 

It was easy to hide it for a while. Even when we went on variety shows and talked about our album, like we were scheduled to today.

They called us out onto the set after the hosts did their introduction. We filed out and waved to the cameras, and did our own intro. The first thing they had us do was talk about our album. The others had decided, ironically, that I was the best one to introduce the album. 

"Could you introduce you album and give us a short summary of each song, please," one of the hosts asked. Mark nodded and brought his microphone closer to his mouth.

"Ah, yes. Our member Haechan is best at introducing this album's tracks. Haechan," Mark asked, offering me the microphone. I took it with a small smile and waved to the camera a little. 

"Hello, I'm DREAM's Haechan and I'll be introducing our newest album, 'To the Edge'. Our album has an alternate name, 'To the Edge of Our Galaxy', which is talking about how far the love between two people will stretch. Our title track 'Supernova' is about a person so bright and beautiful that even when they become overwhelmed by their burdens to the point they can't handle it anymore so that they burst, their beauty won't diminish. It is a more sad song, especially paired with the music video and Renjun's wonderful acting. 

"The second track, 'Stellara', is about love, and how when you look at someone you love, it seems that their steps leave a trail of starlight. Next is 'Hyperspace', about how living life is like being in hyperspace until you find that special person that slows everything down for you. The fourth track, 'Solis', is about someone with hair that's been bleached blond by the sun and a smile that can drown out the sunlight. Opposite of that is the fifth track 'Lunareta', about the slower, sweeter side of love with all the little gestures and moonlit walks. 'Featherlight', our sixth track, talks about how being in love makes everything seem light as a feather. After that is 'Seonggan', or 'Interstellar' in English, about how even if two people were stars apart, their love wouldn't fade. The eighth track is 'Venus'. It's about someone who is more beautiful than the goddess of love and beauty. There are instrumental versions of both 'Stellara' and 'Lunareta'. The last track is the title track again, but featuring a few extra verses sung by solo artist Moon Taeil. The extra verses he sings are about the more dangerous side of love, and the pain that can come from loving too intensely. 

"Taeil-sunbaenim, thank you for working with us! It was a great honor," I finished with a smile and a big wave at the camera. The hosts started laughing, and I looked at them confused. 

"Wait wait, you were introducing the album and then suddenly, 'It was a great honor! Thank you'," one of the hosts said, still laughing. I laughed with them, because it would've been weird otherwise, but I was confused. It really had been amazing to work with such a great singer, and I'd felt so honored to even have the chance. 

As I thought about both the extra verses Taeil sang and Mark laughing a few seats away, I felt the petals of a carnation brushing against my lungs. I let out a small cough that quickly turned into nothing. 

After a small break, we danced to Supernova at twice the speed, and then did a few short cover dances from other groups. There were a few from Taeyong, and I ended up doing a lot of girl group dances while Jisung did a lot of Taemin's choreos. By the time it finished, I was a bit tired, though not as bad as I could've been. I wondered how long it'd be before I coughed up another round of petals.

It ended up being during the last break in filming for the variety show. I went to the bathroom and my lungs started hurting and my throat started itching, so I coughed. More carnation petals, both red and white. An aching heart and admiration along with pure love. It was getting worse. I flushed them down the toilet with a sigh and walked out of the stall, washing my hands before rejoining the others on the set. 

We finished without a hitch, and we all went back home. Tomorrow was a rest day, as a sort of reward for doing so well this comeback. This was our most successful one by far, and it made all of us happy.

That night, Renjun made us dinner. It was the korean beef set he'd won on the variety show, and as always, he shared it with all of us. When we were all sitting down and ready to eat, he took a selfie of the 7 of us. I hadn't known he was going to take the picture, so I'd already stuffed a big bite of food in my mouth. When I heard the shutter click, I looked up in alarm to find Renjun giggling at the picture. He posted it on various social medias with the caption, "Thank you xxx variety show for the beef set! We'll eat it well!" He turned his phone to silent and started eating with the rest of us. It was a fun night.

I slept alone again that night. It had been close to a month since To the Edge had dropped, and I occasionally had dreams about the college boy. Tonight was one of those nights. 

He was working at the convenience store I'd seen a few times before. Tonight seemed to be an especially stressful night. He was studying in the breaks between customers, and all the customers that came in were rude. Most seemed drunk, and 9 of every 10 said something obscene or flirty towards him. I could see that he was trying to keep calm, but eventually, someone crossed the line. He'd had one too many bad pick up lines and one too many suggestions to get out of there, and he lost it. He jumped the counter and grabbed their collar, and I could just tell that he was struggling to hold himself back from hitting them. He ended up succeeding at that, and just dragged the customer out and banned them from the store. 

When he went back in, he slumped over the counter and eventually fell asleep, because no one else was coming in. I moved closer and looked at his face. It looked tired even now, when he was asleep. For the first time, I could see just how long his eyelashes were. I could see the bitten skin on his lower lip, and I wondered why he was still in college if this is what it was doing to him. 

I woke up with little tears in my eyes and a sleeping Mark wrapped around me. I gently pulled him off of me, and walked to the restroom quietly. Instead of going to the toilet, I coughed out the window, and let the petals drift away in the strong wind. Even if someone found them, no one would know they were from me.


	6. Chapter VI

It took months to figure out why my ears had been itching. When I woke up one morning in March, the first thing I did was go to the bathroom and cough petals into the toilet. My throat was really getting sore, nearly to raw from the coughing I hid too well. None of the others knew, not that they'd mentioned anyways, and I was planning to keep it that way. 

When I looked in the mirror, I saw tiny spots of yellow on my ears, just underneath the top curve. I leaned closer, and I saw that it was tiny, yellow flowers. When I went back to my room to get my phone, I saw that Jeno was alone in his bed. It took me a second to remember that he was technically fighting with Jaemin and Renjun, something about the other two getting angry that he read fanfictions between himself and other members. Or maybe them and other members, something like that. I sighed in regret for him and went back to the bathroom, googling little yellow flowers until I found something that matched. It was tarragon. Lasting interest. 

Unlike the carnations I couldn't stop coughing up, I knew that the tarragon growing on my ears was related to my soulmate. I was sure by now that the college boy from my dreams was my soulmate, and he interested me almost as much as Mark did. I think he was the only reason I still had yet to cough up a whole carnation, even four months after the first petal. 

I stared at the little flowers in the mirror, stained with the tiniest drops of blood. I supposed that growing through my skin couldn't have been easy as I looked at the raw, red areas around the bases of the tarragon flowers. They were cute and dainty, completely the opposite of my soulmate. He was tall and strong, though as I thought about it, I started seeing similarities between the tall college student and the flowers. He looked strong, but I'd seen him being weak. I'd seen his little smiles and shining eyes as he talked to his mother, though she didn't call often. He was cute. And while he wasn't dainty, he was fragile to a certain extent. He couldn't bear to let his parents down, which I supposed was the reason I was still coughing up flowers while he was learning in college.

I watched him every night after that, every dream somehow confusing as they always were, and woke up early to cough out flower petals and stare at the tarragon on my ears. When the others noticed the little flowers, they asked what they were. I said they were just like decorative flowers that you could glue to your skin. They just said they thought they were pretty, and thankfully didn't ask where I'd gotten them from. We had one more fansign, scheduled for tomorrow afternoon. It was a weekend, and a lot of people were expected to come.

I'd already planned out what I'd say to fans if they asked about the tarragon. I'd say they were decorative and I just glued them on, like I'd told the others, and if they asked where I found them, I'd say that they were gifted to me by a fan. I'd done some brief research and found that something like I was describing actually existed, so it seemed like a reasonable thing to say. I was mostly thankful that tarragon was a type of flower that didn't really have a smell.

The staff prepared us for the fansign by straightening our hair. It had been about four and a half months since the album dropped, and my hair was black again. It had been dyed months ago, when my hair was growing out and the color had faded. They put me in ripped jeans and a Nirvana t-shirt, with some red converse. I liked the outfit, and I was glad it was a comfortable one.

Throughout the fansign, I was greeted by many enthusiastic fans. I got multiple cute plushies and a ton of other gifts, though the staff took them away to make room for other things. I signed pictures of myself and wrote little messages, and I gave high fives and did cute stuff for the fans. There was really nothing that could beat this feeling, not even cuddling with Mark. 

"Haechan-oppa! The flowers are so cute! Are they real," one of the fangirls asked. I smiled and shook my head.

"No, they aren't real. They're just decorative, I glue them on," I lied easily. The fan was in awe.

"They look so real though! Where'd you find them," she asked. Someone had asked the questions I didn't want to answer. I shrugged.

"I don't know where they're from. I got a whole bunch from another fan at one of these events a couple of months ago. I was too scared to try them on until recently," I lied again, somewhat proud that I'd managed to sound like I was telling the truth, but disappointed that I'd lied to one of the most important people in my life. I never thought I'd be lying to one of my fans. 

The next day, while I was looking at twitter, I saw a post with my name tagged in English. I clicked on the post, and I saw two pictures plus a bunch of words in English. I looked at the pictures first, and realized the first was of me at the fansign yesterday, and the second was a close up of the flowers on my ear. I backed out of the pictures and scrolled down, and smiled when I saw that the fan had also posted their caption in Korean.

*Haechannie said the flowers are decorations and were a gift from a fan ㅠㅠ who gave him something so cute ㅜㅜ* 

I giggled at the cute caption and made sure I was on my personal account, the one no one knew as Haechan from DREAM, before commenting. 

*Wah, those flowers really are super cute… Haechan-ah, tell us who gave them to you so I can get some as well ㅠㅠ* 

I watched as a single person liked and retweeted my comment, smiling before logging out of Twitter and plugging my phone in. I heard Mark yell for me to come to the living room, so I did. Everyone was gathered on the couch and floor, and I took my seat in the armchair, wrapped in a black blanket. Everyone waited for Mark to speak, and when he did, he was looking mostly at me.

"So, you all know we're having another comeback in a couple of months, right? Just a mini-album, no big deal. Only.. Hyuck. You've been coughing a lot and getting tired more easily recently. Are you okay? Do we need to take you to the doctor," he asked. I shook my head as all attention turned to me. 

"No, no. I'm fine, I think I'm just a little sick. I think I caught something a bit before the last comeback and it hasn't really gone away. But really, it's not that bad. I'll be fine soon, just trust me," I said. They nodded and everyone dispersed, including Mark. Today was scheduled as a free day, and it wasn't even noon yet, so I assumed everyone was off to prepare for their personal activities today. I was planning on just staying home. 

I was proven right when the front door opened and closed three times. Jeno, Jaemin, Renjun. Chenle, Jisung. Mark. 

I sat in the armchair and coughed. The petals were all smeared with red, and I was glad my blanket was dark enough no one would notice the stains. I sat there for hours, gently stroking the tarragon on my ears, coughing up more blood stained petals every once in a while. And then, this feeling of not being able to breath bloomed in my chest, like a flower unfurling it's petals. 

I felt the carnation spreading, spreading, brushing against the walls of my lungs, making it hard for me to breathe as more flowers pressed against each other. And then I coughed, long and hard, and I spit out three full flowers. Two red carnations and one white. I just stared at the blood drenched petals for a few moments before gathering everything up and going to the bathroom. The petals I flushed down the toilet. The flowers I threw out the window, watched them being pushed farther away by the wind. 

I eventually closed the window and walked over to the mirror. I stared at my reflection; my skin was a shade paler than it had been this time last year, and I was just the slightest bit thinner. I was eating a lot though, so I figured it must have been the flowers stealing my nutrients to live themselves. The most noticeable part of my reflection was my blood-spattered lips and chin. There were streaks of red down my chin, mixed with saliva, and while usually it would have been gross, it fascinated me. The fact that my body knew Mark wasn't mine, that there was someone else for me, that it would rather harm itself than love him just enamored me. How poetic and painful was that?

My throat felt like it was scraped raw. I wasn't sure what I'd sound like if I tried to speak when they came back, so I wiped off my chin, put my blanket in the washer on a short cycle, ate a cup of instant ramen for dinner, and went to sleep after coughing up one more flower head, wiping my chin again, and taking my sodden blanket out of the washer and putting it in the dryer instead. 

I dreamt of the college boy, and finally realized why all my dreams about him were so confusing.

I dreamt in Chinese everytime he was involved, and I didn't speak Chinese.


	7. Chapter VII

I tried hard to keep myself from coughing up flowers for a few weeks after the fansign, but it didn't work. And I'd been right about not sounding normal when I talked, so I worked on fixing my throat as much as I could. I'd finally gone to the doctor, with Jeno, when the others got really worried about my scratchy voice. The visit to the doctor's office went something like this.

"Do you mind if your friend is in here," Dr. Qian asked. I bit my lip.

"I'd prefer that he wasn't. My health is kind of a sensitive issue for me. I'm sorry, Jeno," I said, smiling apologetically at him. He just gave me a little smile and a light hug, making sure not to hold me too tightly. He knew that it was something wrong with my lungs.

"It's okay, Hyuck. I'm more worried about your comfort right now. It's up to you to tell me, but I'll try to do what I can to help," he said before walking out and closing the door behind him. I turned to the doctor with a tired smile on my lips.

"So, you say it's been about five months since the first petal, correct," he asked. I nodded. "Hmm, in that case this is progressing very slowly. Do you have any idea as to why?" I hesitated for just a moment before answering.

"I dream of my soulmate. He's this college student, and he takes evening classes and works in a convenience store late at night. He sleeps through a lot of the day. He's kind of like the tarragon on my ears, because even though he looks like this big, strong, tall guy, he's really…fragile, and really cute too. I've seen a lot about him. He goes through these periods of really intense studying, which makes him sick, and then he just falls back into stressed and tired again. I'm not sure what causes that. And sometimes his mom calls or texts, and he smiles. He doesn't have a lot of friends, and I just wanna see him really super happy," I said. The doctor smiled.

"That's adorable. So, you dream of your soulmate but you're still in love with Mark, your bandmate," the doctor stated more than asked. I nodded. "At this point, the surgery would still be safe." I shook my head.

"I don't want to. I think I'm only dreaming of my soulmate because I've got hanahaki, and if I get the surgery, I'm afraid I'll stop dreaming of him. That's also part of why I'm still loving Mark. The other part is that I just love him, a lot, and at the moment, I don't love my soulmate. I just want to…protect him. I guess," I said quietly, still kind of unsure. The doctor nodded.

"That's just fine. Honestly, it is a valid concern, as this isn't something I've come across before. I don't know what would happen with your subconscious if you got the surgery. So, as surgery is currently not an option, I can prescribe a few treatments to improve your throat condition. There are throat drops, drinking tea with honey or warm water with honey and avoiding milk, minor throat exercises, and some pills that can help loosen your airways so the flowers don't rub on your throat as much. Give this prescription to the receptionist down at the pharmacy, it should get you everything I mentioned except for the honey tea or water. The most valid excuse you could use to cover this up to everyone is pneumonia. Be careful, Donghyuck, and don't wait for your soulmate too long. Come back in two weeks for a check up and a fresh prescription," the doctor said. I clutched the slip of paper in my hand and bowed to the older man.

"Thank you, Doctor Qian. I'll do my best," I said. He smiled and waved as I walked out. Jeno stood up as I walked into the hall. His face was worried. 

"What is it, or does the doctor not know? Is the treatment too hard? Can I help at all," he asked. I smiled and took his hands away from my face.

"Your breath smells," I said with a giggle. He frowned and smelled his breath with a confused expression. I just shook my head and held up the paper. "The doctor said it's pneumonia. This prescription will help. I suppose if you want to help, you can make sure I take my pills and at least..two throat drops everyday, according to the prescription. Oh, and he said warm water with honey or honey tea would help with my throat. You could make those for me too, I suppose."

"Oh, I can do that! Let's go get your prescription," he said, skipping away down the hall. 

"Jeno," I called after him. He turned and looked at me with his lost puppy face. I pointed in the opposite direction. "The pharmacy's that way!"

Jeno was really helpful in the next two weeks. He told the others about my sickness, and like I'd suggested, he gave me a cup of warm water with one of my pills and a throat drop every morning after I woke up. Later in the day, before we went to practice the new routine, he'd make me a cup of honey tea, and give me another pill and throat drop. He helped me with the throat exercises, and he was so good at this helping with my sickness that I nearly told him I had hanahaki. I didn't though, and instead told him that I was dreaming about my soulmate. He was excited for me, really excited. I told him everything I could remember about the boy from my dreams. 

When we went back to the hospital, Dr. Qian told me my throat looked a little better, even though I'd still been coughing up flowers every night. He gave me a slightly stronger prescription, saying it was best to stay ahead of it as long as I could. Apparently there were more side effects with the new prescription, like drowsiness or irritation. Jeno explained that to the other members when we were back home, as an early warning for what was going on if I started acting really tired or annoyed. 

That prescription was for a month, and three weeks into it, we were preparing for the May mini-album about, ironically, flowers. It ended up being really cute and fun, though I was either half asleep or super annoyed through the entire process of shooting the music video and recording the tracks. The others had learned by then to just separate me from whoever was getting on my nerves because I'd started quite a few fights with the members on this medicine, and they just put me in blanket cocoons whenever I got tired. It was nice to be cared for like that.

June rolled around, along with my birthday. We did a birthday vlive, which I tried not to sleep through. I was really out of it that day in particular, and I nearly coughed during the live. 

We were talking about random stuff, having already done cake and presents, and Mark made a joke, which I laughed about. The entire time I'd been sitting next to Mark, and he secretly had his hand on my thigh or my back the entire time. And because my medicine was making me really tired today, everything I could process just seemed really funny. So when Mark told that lame knock knock joke with the bananas and oranges, I cracked up. 

My laughing and crying soon turned into coughing and crying, and I stood up from the couch and stumbled to the bathroom. I coughed the flowers into the toilet and stayed there for a few minutes, crying softly, spitting blood and saliva into the slowly pinkening water. I stood up and flushed the toilet, and stuck my head out the window and screamed. I was no longer tired; now, I was irritated over the fact that Mark had told a lame joke and I laughed at it, and I'd probably worried all the fans. 

The door opened, and I pulled my head inside the window and saw that it was Jeno. He was staring at me, probably at the blood I could feel on my face. He closed the door and locked it, and then pulled me down into his lap. He stroked my hair and whispered to me.

"Don't worry, Hyuck. I told them to end it after we told the fans you were just a little sick and you were going to get better soon. This will all be over soon, you'll be just fine," he said softly. I cried into his shirt, probably smearing my spit and blood all over his white shirt. He was going to have to burn it. 

"It won't be okay, Jeno, it's not pneumonia. Mark isn't my soulmate, and my soulmate is in college, and he doesn't know I exist," I sobbed. He kept up with running his fingers through my hair.

"A lot of people know you exist, Hyuck, or did you forget about To the End and May Flowers and Lee Haechan, sun-kissed prince of DREAM," Jeno said softly. I sniffled. 

"I'm not sun-kissed anymore, I'm all pale," I said quietly, a little smile betraying me despite the fact I really didn't want to. 

"Says who? Who is it, let me at 'em," he joked. I smiled, and I thought that Jaemin and Renjun were lucky. Jeno was practically perfect.

"Can I go to bed," I asked. Jeno nodded and picked me up before I could protest. He cleaned my face before leaving the bathroom, with me clinging to his chest like a koala, my head resting on his shoulder. I was asleep before he even put me on my bed. When I woke up, I was still clinging to him, as he apparently hadn't been able to get me off, and Jaemin and Renjun had also squeezed onto my bed. I felt so warm and happy that I didn't even care when I woke them all up by coughing up a few flower heads, every one of them drenched in blood.


	8. Chapter VIII

By the end of June, it was common knowledge that I was sick, and that it was normal for me to be tired or annoyed now. By the end of June, Jeno, Jaemin, and Renjun were still the only members of the group that knew I had hanahaki. That was still half the group though, which was more than the original zero I'd wanted to know about it.

As June faded into the heat of July, I was thankful for the three boys. They helped me hide the flowers. Whenever it seemed like I'd start coughing, one of them would take me to the bathroom while the other two distracted everyone. We did a variety show with Shindong and Leeteuk midway through July, with a bunch of summer activities. Before we started, Jeno and I pulled the hosts aside while the others were all distracted. 

"Hyungs, there's this thing about Hyuck. He's a little sick, and his medicine makes him kind of tired, and he gets annoyed pretty easily, and he gets short of breath quite easily. If it seems like he's having issues, I can just pull him away to rest while you guys continue. Well, either me, Jaemin, or Renjun will. Just like, as a forewarning, you know? So you don't get surprised," Jeno said calmly. They glanced at me as if for confirmation, and I nodded. They gave us gentle smiles.

"Of course, that's completely fine. We'd actually heard about him being sick during his birthday vlive, we were hoping he'd have recovered by now. Good luck on your recovery, Haechan," Leeteuk said. I smiled at both men gratefully, and we all rejoined the others to start the activities. For a few of the activities, I sat out on the pretense of being a cheerleader and letting there be even teams. I participated in a few things, like the water balloon throwing and dancing in a pool, because while that was strenuous, I was not missing out on it. I did all the stuff that was easier, like charades with summer words and guessing the summer-themed songs and July comebacks. 

Even though I couldn't do a lot, I had a lot of fun. It was the most fun I'd had in quite a while, and it was the first time in a while that I thought more about Mark than the college boy in my dreams. That night, I woke up coughing. Jeno took me outside for a night walk, as he'd been doing for a while at my request so I wouldn't disturb the others. I coughed so hard in the park that a whole flower came up, stem and all, along with the heads of a lot of other flowers. I wasn't even sure how my lungs had the room for all of that. 

Through the entire attack, as I was hunched over in the grass, sobbing and coughing and spitting blood, Jeno was there, rubbing my back for me. We sat there afterwards, waiting to see if it was going to start up again. When we were sure it was over, Jeno pulled me up and onto his back, and he gave me a piggyback ride all the way back to the apartment. He gently laid me in my bed, and brushed my bangs out of my eyes, and went back over to his bed. Jaemin and Renjun had woken up and were waiting for him. They welcomed him back into the bed with open arms and little kisses, soft words I couldn't make out. 

My lungs tightened when I thought about what it would be like if Mark welcomed back to bed like that. I abruptly stood up and walked into the bathroom, starting a shower and coughing out more flowers and stems under the running water. I hadn't even realized I was showering fully clothed until I stopped coughing and felt all my clothes pressing down on my skin. I threw the flowers out the window, not even caring that there wasn't a hint of wind. 

I was just so tired that I crawled back into the bathtub in my heavy, cold clothes. I curled up and slept, shivering when the ac came on ever so often. I didn't dream of my soulmate that night. I didn't dream of anything. 

I woke up with a raging fever when I heard someone scream. I opened my eyes slowly, and the first thing I saw were all the flower petals and blood. I sat up, and saw that it had soaked into my clothes. I looked towards the entrance of the bathroom, and saw Jisung standing there, his mouth covered and tears in his eyes. Jeno ran into the bathroom right then, took in the scene quickly, and closed the door. He turned to the youngest first.

"Jisung, look at me. Look at me. Don't say anything about this to anyone," Jeno said sternly. Jisung glanced between Jeno and I. I stood and walked over to the mirror, staring at my pale reflection. There was blood in my hair, some dry but most still dark and damp. There was blood dried on my face, mixed with saliva. I was a mess, a bloody mess, and I just burst into tears at the sight of myself. "This is why you can't say anything, Jisung. It's for him. We're taking care of him. The most you can do is help us hide it."

Jeno sat down and pulled me into his lap, something he'd been doing a lot recently. "Jisung, get me a wet rag and then go get some of his clothes from our room." The younger boy did do without question, and Jeno started cleaning up my face. By this point, I was just empty, staring at the wall and feeling almost nothing but the heat of my fever. Jeno helped me change and threw the flowers out the window, running the water in the tub to clean out the blood. 

"Hyuck, you can't keep doing this to yourself. You're just hurting yourself," Jeno said softly. I shook my head.

"No, I'm not hurting me. Mark is hurting me," I said. I ran my fingers over the tarragon flowers on my ears and shivered. "My soulmate is hurting me."

It was the first time I'd said it out loud, because it was something I hadn't ever thought of before. It hurt me to watch my soulmate live his life in my sleep. Because as much as he looked like he wasn't enjoying his life, at least he wasn't in love with the wrong person. At least his lungs were clear. At least he wasn't on medicine that made him tired and irritated, and at least he could sleep the whole time through.

At least he didn't wake up in the bathtub, burning up in drenched clothes, to his friend screaming because the sight of him had scared the living daylights out of the other.


	9. Chapter IX

It took forever to get over the fever. Even by the end of August, I was still struggling with the last of it. The next comeback had been pushed back because I was sick, painfully, obviously sick. It had been nine months since I coughed up the first petal, and I could no longer speak. The medicine didn't help anymore, and I was on painkillers now. I stayed in my room usually, and cried or coughed or tried and failed to talk. 

I avoided everyone except Jeno and Jisung, because Jeno had been the first to know and Jisung just wouldn't take no for an answer. If it wasn't Jeno helping me push everyone away with his stony face and stern eyes, it was Jisung with his vicious glares and loud, almost hysterical denials. I knew that I was driving everyone apart, I knew that what I was doing was hurting everyone, but I just couldn't make myself stop. I figured, I was probably going to die soon anyways, so what harm was there in taking a little extra love and attention from just a few people. 

They convinced me to have movie nights once a week, on Sunday, which had been designated as the free day for the others. I'd been put on hiatus while they went and did photoshoots. Movie nights were tense, because Jisung and Jeno stuck close to me, while Chenle just stared at Jisung the entire time, and Renjun and Jaemin aggressively cuddled with each other. I knew they were trying to make up for Jeno's missing presence. I knew it wasn't working. Mark just stared at the tv and nothing else. 

We were a mess, and it was my fault. But no matter how hard I tried, I couldn't stop loving Mark, and I couldn't dream about my soulmate again, and I was just thinking that everything was going wrong faster than I could realize what was happening. I was numb to most everything; I didn't even cry at the movies I'd always cried at before. The only thing I felt these days was the squeezing of my heart, the brush of petals inside my lungs, the pain in my throat, the disappointment every time I tried to talk and couldn't, my sadness over the college boy who was now absent from my nights. 

One movie night, I started coughing. I stood up and walked towards the bathroom, brushing off Jeno and Jisung when they tried to stand up with me. I kneeled down in front of the toilet and coughed out flowers, feeling every stem scratch against my raw throat, every flower petal tickle my tongue. I vaguely heard a car screech to a halt on the street far below the window. A few minutes later, I heard the front door slam open, heard the other six boys scream as someone yelled something in Chinese. 

And then the bathroom door opened, and a tall boy with messy hair stood in the doorway. He had big eyes, and big lips, and I felt my eyes get just a little bigger as I stared at the college boy from my dreams. I felt a petal still stuck to my lips. He burst into tears and fell to his knees next to me, squeezing me in a tight hug that made me cough more. 

He said something in Chinese through his sobs. There were thudding footsteps outside the bathroom, and I looked up to see Mark, followed closely by Jeno and the other four. They all stared at me, Mark and Chenle most of all, because they hadn't known. Renjun and Chenle started yelling at the college student in Chinese. I lifted a hand to my lips and took away the petal stuck there, staring at the velvety, bloodstained thing in my hand. How long ago had it been since I first learned what red carnations meant?

I let it go, let it flutter to the floor, and shifted around to a more comfortable spot against the wall. I pulled the tall boy into my lap sideways, and I stroked his hair. I wanted to whisper to him, but I hadn't been able to talk for over a month, and I was sure it hadn't changed now. I just kept running my hand through his hair, resting the other on his thigh. He was heavy, and he was pressing down on my chest, but it wasn't making me cough. Eventually he stopped crying, and he looked up at me.

"Who is it? Who did you fall in love with before me," he asked in a whisper, in Korean this time. I pressed a little kiss to his cheek and shook my head. "Please, I want to know. Can't I know who's killing my soulmate?" I waved my hand, trying to tell him *later*, but it was hard. Someone cleared their throat outside the bathroom, and I saw that the other six boys had all sat on the floor, Jisung and Jeno on either side of the door. It was Jeno who'd cleared his throat.

"Uhm, he can't talk. The flowers messed up his throat. But, we can talk about everything in the morning. I think you should clean him up, and then we can all go to sleep. Jisung can show you to his room, and you can just sleep in there," Jeno said. The boy looked sad, but he nodded and stood up, helping me up afterwards. He flushed the toilet and put the lid down, setting me on it gently. He got a rag wet and gently ran it over my face, cleaning the blood and saliva off my lips and chin. I let my eyes close as he ran his big, gentle hands over my lips again, without the rag this time. 

"If you're ready to go sleep, his room is this way," Jisung said quietly. He picked me up, and I clung to him as I'd once done to Jeno, and I vaguely heard Mark and Jeno talking. 

"Jeno, this isn't fair! I've never seen him that way with anyone, and we don't know who this guy is! You can't just let them sleep in the same room, what if that guy kills him," Mark was yelling. Jeno scoffed.

"I think it's fairly obvious who that is. It's his soulmate, and that's why he's acting that way with him. I don't see why it's unfair for him to let someone finally take care of him in the way he needs after he's been suffering for…well at least a couple months. I don't know how long this has been going on, but in my opinion, it was far too long. Leave them be, Mark. Stop hurting Hyuck," Jeno said. There was nothing after that, because Jisung had finished leading the college boy to my room. 

"His clothes are in that dresser there. If he's okay with it, you can change him into clean pajamas. Just…don't hurt him anymore. He doesn't need any more pain in his life," Jisung said softly. The boy, my soulmate, set me down on my bed. I let him change me, and I let him lay me down under the covers. I let him crawl under them with me, and I let him cuddle me to sleep. 

A few months later, the flowers were gone. Wong Yukhei, my soulmate, was the son of important people in China. He'd been in college to get a degree before he took over the family company. He spoke Chinese, and understood Korean, though he couldn't speak it well. After he'd been in Korea for a few weeks, he called his parents from my phone and explained the reason he'd run from college without a word. They wanted to meet me immediately, but I insisted on waiting until I could talk.

When I finally could talk, my voice wasn't the same. It was deeper, and gravelly, severely damaged. I spoke for the first time after my lungs were emptied of the last flowers. My lungs were also severely scarred, and my immune system was somewhat compromised. The first thing I did when I could talk was tell Yukhei I loved him.


	10. Chapter X

His parents were visiting today. It was the first time I was meeting them, and I was excited. Yukhei had talked about them a lot, and they sounded amazing, even though he sometimes felt pressured by them. I was in one of Yukhei's hoodies and some skinny jeans. 

There was a knock on the door, and Yukhei rushed to open it. He greeted his parents enthusiastically, and then pulled them into the living room to meet me. I stood up from the couch and bowed to them. I cleared my throat and smiled at them. 

"Hello, Mr. and Mrs. Wong. It's a pleasure to finally meet you. My name is Lee Donghyuck, and I'm sure you know by now that your son is my soulmate," I asked. They looked shocked by my voice. 

"Ah, hello. You know since we couldn't meet you before, we watched your group's videos and listened to your music, and we watched all the shows you went on. You sound, just a bit…"

"Different," I offered to finish Mrs. Wong's sentence. She nodded.

"Yeah, my voice has changed quite a bit since those things. I'm not going to lie to you; I had hanahaki for about nine months, I think almost ten before your son found our apartment. It really messed with my throat and my lungs, and I'm kind of sickly because of it. To be honest, I haven't gone to any shows since I got my voice back, and I'm a little nervous about how everyone will react to the way I sound. But, if your son is with me, I think I'll be just fine," I finished with a bright smile. 

By the time they left, they'd decided he didn't have to finish college. We celebrated by taking the others out to dinner, since everyone had long ago made up with each other. It was nice to be out with everyone, carefree about everything. 

And then, sixteen months after I first contracted hanahaki, we dropped the sequel album to 'To the Edge', which was called 'Beyond', or 'And Everything Beyond'. My voice was so drastically different that fans thought we'd added another member at first, or that I'd been replaced with another person because they couldn't hear me. But when we went back to the variety show I'd introduced To the Edge at, fans were shown that it was me. 

The hosts were extremely shocked at both my voice, and the tall boy waiting just beyond the edge of the set. 

"Haechan, what's the reason for your voice change? Did you go through puberty late," they joked. I shook my head, and took the microphone they offered to me. 

"No. When I was last on this show, I was in love with Mark Lee. I had hanahaki, because he wasn't my soulmate. The first petal came up the night of our first stages of Supernova and Stellara. Those months I was sick, and always tired because of my medicine, and then when I went on hiatus, I had hanahaki. My case was long and dragged out, because I also had dreams of my soulmate, and my growing feelings for him fought what I was feeling for Mark. When he made it to me, my throat had been wrecked by the hanahaki, along with my lungs. I am sorry in advance if I have to take frequent breaks because I'm getting tired and can't breathe well. But, I'm better now. I'm very in love with my soulmate, Wong Yukhei," I said, looking into the camera. I looked over at Yukhei, and gestured for him to come over. 

I stood from my chair and met him with a hug in front of the chairs. I reached up and kissed his cheek before looking at the camera again, still hugging him with one arm. 

"This is my soulmate. He's much too tall for me, isn't he? Hey, Yuk, say hi to my Dreamies," I said. He turned a bit and waved to the camera, and then asked for the microphone. I let him have it, curious about what he'd say.

"Hello to all of Hyuck's Dreamies! I'm very sorry I caused this beautiful boy so much pain, but from now on, I'll take care of him. Please keep loving him and his deep voice," Yukhei said. I took the microphone back and said one more thing.

"The last time I was here, I was in love with the wrong person, in pain, and with my natural voice. I come back in love with the most wonderful person on the planet, feeling nothing but love, with a deeper voice than I thought I'd ever have. And despite all the pain I went through, I wouldn't change a thing. Please enjoy our album 'Beyond' and the title track, 'Transcend'," I said softly. The music started playing quietly, and I walked back to my seat, giving the microphone back to the the hosts on the way. Yukhei sat in my chair and pulled me into his lap.

Weeks later, we found Mark coughing flowers into the toilet. He refused the surgery, and his soulmate didn't come for him like mine had with me. He died April 13th, on a Friday, and we were all reminded of how Friday the 13ths were supposed to be bad luck days. 

When we held his funeral, someone we didn't know came. It was some small boy with cat-like eyes and black hair. He threw a bouquet of black roses on Mark's coffin as it was lowered into the ground, and then he broke down sobbing. *Hatred, death, despair.* That was one set of things black roses could mean. But I was sure the boy meant the other interpretation. *Rebirth and farewell for good.* 

I later walked over to him where he was laying on the ground, and I pulled him up into a hug. I held him until he stopped crying before pulling back.

"My name is Lee Donghyuck. I was Mark's friend, and I think…I think I was the reason he died. I'm not sure though, because he never told us who it was. But you don't want to hear that. What's your name," I asked softly. The boy sniffled and looked up at me.

"Technically, it's Chittaphon Leechaiyapornkul, because I'm from Thailand. But a lot of my foreign friends call me Ten, because it's easier. I'm…I was his soulmate. I tried to come here for him, I wanted to be here before he died, I wanted to be able to be with him, it's just…tickets from Bangkok to what I was assuming was Seoul were so expensive, and I didn't have much money. By the time I got enough money for the ticket, he'd already died, and I could only come to his funeral with those roses. I had to beg them off a florist, I didn't have any money, I-," he broke down in tears again. "I'm a terrible soulmate!" Yukhei came over. 

"No, you aren't. You tried to come for him. Hyuck had hanahaki for nine months before I came for him. Mark just…his hanahaki was too fast. In your situation, no one would have made it here before he died unless they were already in Seoul. Nothing is your fault, Ten. Don't blame yourself for anything," Yukhei said. He stayed with us a few days, experiencing Mark's room and Mark's friends. We gave him Mark's phone, because we had nothing to do with it. We offered to pay for his ticket back to Thailand, but he said there was nothing for him there. 

Ten stayed with us for a while, until he met Johnny Seo a year after Mark died. He thanked us for everything we'd done for him, and he went back to Chicago with Johnny. A few months after he left, we disbanded. We all felt that there was nothing more for us as idols, and it just wasn't the same without Mark. We did this big thank you/goodbye party and went to live our separate lives. We still kept in touch as much as we could, even though I'd gone to China with Yukhei so he could finally take over the company while the other boys all stayed in Korea, but moved to different cities. 

It was weird sometimes, to think about how my life had once revolved around Mark and our fans. It was weird sometimes, to think about the days when my voice was smooth and high. It was weird sometimes, to think about my life before Wong Yukhei entered the apartment with a bang.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> You guys, I can't believe so many people actually read this, when I woke up and saw an email for kudos I thought, is this a joke, is it a prank? And then I saw it was really serious and it's just like, wow, I felt so happy. A great way to start my first day back to school, thanks so much for reading and I hope you all enjoyed. And thanks Softestjaem for bookmarking!!


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